By Alex Norman
That’s it. I’m done. It’s over.
I can’t take the losing, the heartache and the pain.
No, I’m not a Tennessee fan refusing to sign up for season tickets again after yet another season in which the Vols lost to rivals Florida or Alabama.
I’m talking about fantasy football.
I’m not going to bore you with the specifics… let’s just say that Odell Beckham Jr. had a catch and touchdown run of approximately 833 yards against Miami that knocked me out of my league’s playoffs.
This is after I started the season 0-6 then roared back with 7 straight wins to make the postseason.
Ok, those are some specifics but look, I need to get this off my chest. Writing this article is a form of therapy that had to happen.
I’ve been playing in at least one fantasy football league since the mid 90’s and let me tell you… if you have a league you want me in it, because I never win.
Not once in two decades has a season ended in which I was victorious.
I’ve had some awful teams (nearly went 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers once), some mediocre ones, and some that went on a run of bad luck and coaches decision making that kept the trophy and/or small dollar amount prize out of my hands. Had I won I immediately would have claimed those winnings on my taxes of course.
One year all I needed was a goal-line touchdown from Mark Sanchez (he wasn’t always bad!) or LeSean McCoy on two separate trips to the one yard line. Instead, the Eagles put in some dude that I’ve never heard of to carry the football the remaining 36 inches.
I have more stories like that too. Recently I’ve been losing my shots at a title in Cleveland sports type fashion. And let me tell you, that’s not good company to be in.
So I’ve decided that this is it. You’ll never see me downloading that fantasy football app from Yahoo or ESPN again.
Yes, two apps because I’m in two leagues. Don’t judge me.
I’m not going to scour the waiver wire, trying to find replacements for Peyton Manning or Tony Romo. Heck no I’m not doing that again.
You won’t see me on a Sunday afternoon pressing the refresh button over and over again as I try to find out if DeAngelo Williams added to his impressive stat line.
Nope, I’m going to put that time to better use. Cleaning the house! Doing the laundry! Taking the kids to the park!
Maybe I’ll exercise more often, or take up a new hobby… Crocheting is always a nice choice, especially around the holidays. Very festive.
I feel better already. That pit of the stomach feeling is gone. I’m about to embark on a brave new world.
I mean, there wasn’t even much actual monetary value to this thing. I have no idea how you degenerate gamblers make life altering wagers every week. I’d hide under my bed while curling up in the fetal position listening to the Raiders/Titans game if I bet a c note, much less dudes laying thousands of dollars on the outcome of a game.
Nope this is it for me… Come football season next year I’ll be at home, sitting in my papasan chair on draft night, reading a good book on the Messianic Era.
(Walks away from computer keyboard.)
(Comes back 10 minutes later.)
Forget all of that. I have failed over the years because I didn’t dedicate myself 100 percent.
I’m back, baby. 2016 is my year.
Believe that, haters!
I have issues.
I hate fantasy football.
But I can’t live without it…