By Joe Rector
The prognosticators are telling us that the coming weekend will include a major winter weather event. I love the way that those who predict the weather use words like “event.” They make a snowstorm or ice storm, a rainstorm or a heatwave sound as if the area has never experienced such a thing. Louis Grizzard said those forecasters should be replaced with weather dogs. If one comes inside wet, it’s raining. If it has white specks, snow is falling. If the dog doesn’t come back, it’s windy.
At any rate, I have taken precautions to mitigate any problems that arise. That means I’ve set out the snow shovels, dug out my boots from the closet, and located my goofy-looking hat that resembles the one Walter Matthau had in “Grumpy Old Men.”
Too much time will be spent outside during this “event” because the dogs need frequent trips to take care of business. Because they are older, the need occurs more often. As an old man, I understand that. However, these two hounds never go at the same time. So, if foul weather hits, my feet and hands will stay cold from repeated trips by dogs to make yellow snow.
If my eyes are healed from surgery, some of my time will be spent burning the piles of brush that have accumulated since last year. When Amy and I first moved into our house, Mr. Nelson allowed me to pile sticks and other yard trash on a pile that he kept. When the snow came, he walked out to the pile, poured kerosene on strategically placed wads of newspaper, and then put a match to the pile. It flamed quickly, and then Mr. Nelson pulled out his secret weapon: an electric leaf blower. He flipped the switch and pushed the highest volume button. That fire sucked in the air and quickly became a blast furnace. Sticks, stumps, and old pieces of firewood were turned to ashes before long. By evening, the entire mound turned to ashes. Even the next morning, he could stir those ashes, put more sticks on them, and create another fire.
My concern is that the power might go out. We live on electricity since no gas lines have ever been run in our part of Ball Camp. Food will be fine with the cold weather. My mother used to talk about heavy snows that knocked out the power. She boxed the food from the refrigerator and set it outside. I think I can do the same. We have bread, milk and eggs, so trips to the grocery store won’t be necessary.
What I don’t want to happen is to lose the heat. In younger years, the cold didn’t bother me so much, but these days, I don’t fare so well. My feet and hands become icy. My nose “runs like a sugar tree,” and every joint aches. Our fireplace hasn’t been used in years and is probably filled with gunk. We have enough blankets to keep us from freezing, but being stuck inside with no television, limited amounts of power on electronic devices, and no lighted way through the house isn’t much fun.
I just looked at another prediction that showed the worst of the weather hitting farther south. That’s fine with me. In fact, I hope no snow or ice develops the entire winter. Cold temperatures that kill the ticks and other bugs are the only kind of winter I want. Of course, I don’t control the weather, so I’ll wait and be ready with my shovels, fire starters, and warm clothing. More than likely, we’ll survive. Don’t be surprised if nothing comes. It’s happened before.
