Reflecting on the last year
By Joe Rector
Mommas and daddies aren’t supposed to outlive their young’uns. That’s what happened to Amy and me. Our son Dallas passed away one year ago today (Sept. 23). For the past year, we’ve lived a miserable existence. One day we are fine; the next we’re swept away in a flood of sadness and loss. Holidays have been void of good cheer, and we’ve gotten through them while living in a fog. Even with such aching hearts beating in our bodies, we’ve survived the last 365 days with plenty of help.
Our friends have saved us. That includes so many people with whom we have worked over the years. Kind words, support-filled texts and cards, and hugs have made each day a little easier to handle. Dallas’ friends have also been present. Amy and I had heard many stories about those folks from college or work. When he left us, his closest friends made contact. At the celebration of his life, those people stood in front of a crowded church and told stories that were funny or sweet.
In the toughest of times, neighbors provided food, and church friends offered prayers and help in any task. Amy and I are blessed with two church families. One is from First Christian Church. We spent 30 years there, and those friends knew Dallas as a newborn all the way through high school. Our second church family is Beaver Ridge United Methodist. Those who are there have known Dallas as a man, one who loved children, who took over the dish room during Wednesday night meals, and who offered kind words to all who came his way. All of those groups have been present for the last year to make life easier.
The minister at BRUMC is special. She and I don’t necessarily agree in every area, and our personalities are exact opposites. Teresa McClure will always have a special spot in my heart because she was with Amy and me from the time that Dallas entered the emergency room last year. She stayed with us until his passing and guarded us as if she were a mama bear.
My daughter Lacey is a true hero. Her grief took a backseat as she did her best to help us struggle through the loss. On many occasions, she was the only person with a clear enough head to make some of the hard decisions. Lacey has continued to be the loving, caring daughter through the year, and she knows how much her love and phone calls help. Living in Hendersonville with her husband Nick and son Madden, she finds trips here are difficult. However, if we can travel to her home, she has a wonderful space for us to stay. Amy and I couldn’t have made it through the past year without her.
Our faith in God and His promise of eternal life have buoyed us in dark times. We miss Dallas so much that it makes our hearts ache. However, Amy and I know that we will be with him sometime in the future. That promise of life over death for which Christ gave his own life takes away much of the pain of Dallas’ too-soon departure.
Last, Amy and I have each other. We have cried and laughed and grieved this last year. The key is that we have each other and a love that’s lasted for nearly 51 years. Although nothing can change the fact that Dallas is gone, the sharing of sorrow and questionings makes that fact bearable. Our dog Sadie and grand-dog Harvey have created a family. Our lives are simple. The dogs instinctively know when one of us is feeling low, and they hover around us or curl up beside us or on our laps.
Today is the end of a year without our son. Dallas is still in our hearts and in our thoughts. With the blessings that I’ve listed, Amy and I are making it daily. We are certainly thankful for the love and kindness that have come our way.
